


Please. Put It Down.

by mylifeisloki



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, tumblr prompt from way back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 03:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2176068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeisloki/pseuds/mylifeisloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki fights hard against his brother, but why is it that he just can't let him go?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There were times when Loki would look back at the long life he'd lived so far and regret the smallest choices. He would regret following after Thor the way he had when he was a child, the growth of jealousy and inadequacy that had settled deep in the pit of his stomach. He would regret ever fooling his brother into attacking Jotunheim and finding out his heritage because sometimes knowledge doesn't lead to a better life; sometimes it leads to heartache and pain. The story was always the same: Loki would concoct some ridiculous plan to attack the Avengers or the city they resided in and that same plan would be foiled rather quickly. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't about seeing Thor, that if he had the chance, he really would kill the thunderer and feel no remorse for it- but he knew that wasn't the case.

This time, it would seem, he had gone too far. At the start, Loki had categorized it as a bit of mischief. He'd turn up just to the side of Barton's line of vision and torment him without ever even touching him because he knew the archer was still facing the side effects of being under his control. He would whisper things, little reminders and promises to return, and then disappear in a flash. But sometimes plans didn't go as intended and Loki certainly didn't intend for Barton to have the breakdown that he did. All of a sudden, he was being hunted down by a fiercely protective Thor and all of his friends- but he knew Thor would be the one to find him, as he always was. Loki anticipated another fight, another surge of adrenaline, another escape. He always escaped.

Not this time. The others didn't even have a chance to show up before Thor was on him, shouting about friendship and family and love and everything else Loki just refused to acknowledge. They screamed at one another as they always did, threw each other around as they always did. But something was very different about this fight. Loki felt it in the way Thor was moving- like he truly intended to hurt Loki in a way he hadn't before. For the first time, Loki found himself facing Mjolnir. A hard blow to the chest took his breath away and he was sprawled out on his back, gasping for air. Then another blow. He was bleeding, his nose likely damaged. Honestly, Loki couldn't get past the shock of what was happening. They never went this far. Well, he corrected himself. _Thor_ never went this far. 

Another blow, and another, and it was only because Loki was who he was that he wasn't dead yet. But he was bloodied, bruised and succumbing to the throbbing pain in his head when Thor raised his hammer one more time. That was enough. He'd had enough. He just had to make the words come out and this would end because he knew Thor- he just had to keep repeating that to himself in the hopes that he would be convinced that he still did. "Please", he gasped, ashamed for begging the way he was, but he had no other choice. If he was going to die, it couldn't be by Thor's hand. "Put it down."

There was a pause in the assault and Thor stared down at him, his eyes alight with the thrill of a battle, his hand unrelenting against Loki's chest. For a terrifying moment, Loki thought it was really over. Thor had had enough of him at last. There was a sick part of Loki that wanted to goad him on, tell him to finish what he started, enjoy the pain in Thor's eyes as the seconds ticked by, but what were they fighting about, really? Thor had to know Loki's little secret by then. Or did he? Slowly, the thunderer climbed off of him and stood, bloodied hammer at his side.

"Do not return." Thor's voice was thick, and ragged. He sounded centuries older than he was and for just one moment, the lines on his face made him look that old as well. Loki laid there in silence, even as Thor pointed the hammer at him from several feet away. "Do you hear me? Do not return, or I will kill you myself." This time, Loki tried to protest. "I will return if I choose to do s---" Thor cut him off before he could continue, though Loki's protest was weak, at best. "Take me at my word, Loki. If you return, you will not live another day to torment me further." Loki swallowed, and didn't answer. For once.

Thor was gone a moment later, leaving Loki with one last look that spoke volumes. For a long time, Loki just laid there as his seidr helped his wounds heal and thought about it. He thought about how different things would have been had he never gone to Jotunheim. He thought about whether or not he still might have attacked Thor despite finding out what he really was. He thought about what he'd done to change his brother and found that in some ways, he liked the changes. He liked that Thor was fighting back. Didn't he?

It took him three days to get angry. Loki had brooded about what happened between them and he'd decided that Thor had some nerve, trying to tell him what to do like he had any control over Loki at all. He would show him. Loki would show Thor that he could be strong too, that he posed a threat. He wasn't some animal that would take commands so easily. This time, his plan required... assistance. As much as he hated aligning himself with anyone else, Amora was easy to persuade and eager to show off for a strange realm. They attacked and while she kept the other Avengers busy, Loki cornered Thor. They were in the midst of one of their screaming matches when he hauled off and, surprising even himself to some degree, attacked without warning, hitting Thor in the stomach and knocking him down.

"I came back", he spit out, fighting more fiercely than he had in a long time. Loki's magic was strong, and his anger only doubled its potency. "What are you waiting for, brother? Kill me as you said!" They fought for a long time, throwing each other into buildings and against the ground, getting very close to one another and then attacking from afar. It was when Loki got Thor to his knees, a blade at his throat, that anything calmed. He pressed the edge of the blade to Thor's skin, watching as a bit of blood trickled out. His brow was creased, his lips set in a frown- such a clear sign that this didn't feel right.

"Loki." He was snapped out of his thoughts by a rough voice, saying his name as he might have years ago, when all this started. It was a voice full of sadness and warmth and affection.. and perhaps even longing, of some kind of another. "Please." No. No, he couldn't beg. If he begged, Loki would give in. And he'd finally won. Loki was finally going to be victorious! "Put it down." Lips parting, Loki dropped the dagger like it was burning his hand and stumbled back, shaking his head, his eyesight blurred by tears he refused to actually let fall. Thor was staring at him, but he hardly cared.

"Loki." Again, his name felt like a punch to the gut and Loki stepped back further, breathing hard. There was such depth to that one word, like Thor was pleading with him, as his brother, to stop what he viewed as madness. The love contained in those two syllables made him frown because he didn't understand how, after all this time, there could still be affection there- affection for his little monster of a brother. This time, he vanished without warning, abandoning Amora to the efforts of the Avengers and hiding himself away where no one could find him.

He had been laying there for days, going over the events of the last battle in his head. What did it mean? Why was he so willing to give up on victory when it meant saving his brother's life? Frigga's reminders, when she'd still been there to guide him, came back. 'You can never replace the love your brother has for you', she'd said. But did Thor still love him? And furthermore, Loki admitting to loving Thor was not something Loki would ever be ready to--

"Loki."

One word, and he was bordering on terrified because turning meant confronting something he'd been trying so hard to ignore... so he didn't turn. He just stayed there, facing the wall. The word came again, but there was no movement. Loki didn't move, and nor did his unwanted visitor. Why was Thor there? How had he found him?

" _Loki_."

It didn't matter anymore, did it? Thor knew. Loki knew. They'd been ignoring it for so many years now that there was really no point in resisting any longer. After another pause, just as the first syllable was going to leave Thor's lips again, Loki turned, telling himself that he was finally ready.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this has Thor's POV of the first chapter, plus more. Hope you like it!

Thor and Loki were as different as night and day, but there were similarities between them that neither often wanted to acknowledge. For one thing, they were both tremendously passionate about one thing or another, whether it was Loki's passion for magic or Thor's passion for the people of Midgard. Neither was ever untrue to their nature. Both would always fight for what he believed in, though Thor's desire to protect left him fighting for others while Loki's arrogance and pain left him fighting for himself. Logic would dictate that such opposite forces should stay far away from one another because their mixture would only lead to chaos-- and it had. They had fought so many times and destroyed so much because of the animosity between them, a sad parallel to the things they could have achieved had they worked together instead.

It went without saying that Thor so ardently wished to have his brother back. From the moment he'd been told that Loki lied to him about Odin's death, he had been asking himself one question- Why? Where had the Loki he grew up with gone? Where was the boy who always had his nose in a book and used to play little pranks on the other children whether he was scolded for it or not? Where was Thor's partner in crime, his constant companion through the adventures of childhood? When had Loki become the disturbed criminal that he was now? What had been the final straw? Was hatred always brewing between them? Had it all been an elaborate trick? Had Loki ever loved him?

After Loki's escape, Thor hoped that he might think it wise to keep to himself, let his dreams of power fade away and life a life on his own, but at least a life where he would be safe. What he got, however, were schemes and plots and attacks that put him at risk, put his friends at risk and put the people of their world at risk. And then, after everything else, Loki began tormenting Clint. The archer had recovered well from being under Loki's control, but he began saying that he saw him, that Loki was there when he wasn't- at least not to anyone else's knowledge. He grew paranoid, deteriorating to the point where he had to seek firm psychiatric help if he ever wanted to live normally again. Thor was livid. They all set out to find Loki at his command, but Thor knew he would find him first, and he did.

Thor did not and would not ever hate Loki, but he was beginning to wish that he could. It was desperation and frustration, not fury and not hatred, that led him to attack Loki the way he did. And when he stopped, it was love that stilled his hand. On the edge of something he'd never wanted, Thor made his promise to Loki and he meant it. “Do not return,” he said through gritted teeth. “Or I will kill you myself.” The truth was that he was scared of keeping his word, so when Loki countered, Thor made sure that his voice was firm. If he kept Loki away, there would be no chance for him to go through with it. “Take me at my word, Loki. If you return, you will not live another day to torment me further.” He left before Loki could say anything else.

When he returned to the Tower, he told his friends that Loki had been punished appropriately, that he would likely leave them alone for some time. Tony wanted to know why he hadn't brought Loki back. Bruce looked away uncomfortably as they discussed locking him up for good and Thor just shook his head. “My friends, trying to keep Loki locked up would be like trying to put a collar on the wind.” He offered a sad smile and sighed. “I believe I made my point very clear with respect to what will happen should he return.”

But less than a week later, Loki returned... and he returned with a vengeance. Amora enchanted the others, using them to keep Natasha secured, and Thor found himself locked in a one on one battle with the one person he loved the most. And he was losing. Before he knew what was happening, Loki's blade was pressed to his throat and Thor was looking up at him, breathing hard. “Please,” he blurted out, echoing Loki's words to him in that cave just a few days ago. “Put it down.”

Loki looked so shocked and so _confused_ in that moment that Thor frowned, tilting his head to the side at his frank expression. In the blink of an eye, he was gone and Thor was reaching for air. Disturbed by what had happened, he belatedly grabbed Mjolnir and headed off to free his friends, eventually capturing Amora for good and sending her back to Asgard to be imprisoned. He felt that no one was surprised when he left to look for Loki again, finding him despondent and silent in the back of a cave.

“Loki.”

His voice echoed and Thor could feel the clouds gathering over their heads, rain beginning to fall thanks to his gray mood. But Loki didn't answer him, so he stepped closer.

“Loki.”

There was a part of Thor that wanted to walk away, leave Loki in his solitude and get on with his life, never looking back. He wanted to say goodbye without feeling like he was losing a part of himself when Loki was no longer at his side. But that was simply not the case, and he feared that it never would be. He was about to say Loki’s name again when the other man stood and turned to face him. He looked like he’d been crying; his features pale and ashen, and more drawn than Thor had ever seen him. Finally, after quite a few moments of silence between them, Loki began to speak very slowly, like he words were stuck in his throat and holding onto his tongue so they didn’t have to come out.

“All your life,” he began. “You have been given all you ever wanted. Love, admiration, fame, glory… You are gifted with strength and nobility and grace as well, with the kind of ease and masculinity that has any woman of your choosing fawning over you like lambs, eager for just a shred of your attention.” Loki lifted his eyes to meet Thor’s and the thunderer found himself swallowing hard, but he did not let his gaze waver. Thor could see his brother take a deep breath, his thin chest rising and falling slowly as he let it out. “And all my life, all I’ve ever wanted is you.”

The silence that fell after that was different. The words settled in Thor’s chest and he didn’t know what to do for once. Go with his instinct? Maybe. This could be a trick. Loki could be lulling him into a false sense of security, aware of Thor’s longing for him and dangling such lies in front of him like a horse and a carrot. It was cruel, but Thor had no evidence that was even the case. He just kept asking himself whether or not he would be reaching for an illusion if he reached for Loki.

Apparently, as he should have expected, total silence was not the reaction Loki had been hoping for. The smaller man’s thin hands curled into tight fists as he stood there, his eyes going from sad and open to narrowed and guarded. “Say something,” he demanded fiercely. “Don’t you _dare_ stand there and deny me an answer.”

Thor said nothing. Not a single word. He could see the rage twisting Loki’s features and there was something inside him preventing him from doing something about that, from stepping forward and making everything good again. Maybe he wanted to see what Loki would be driven to. Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment.

Loki stepped closer. “Are you mocking me?” he spat, cautiously moving until he was nearly chest to chest with his silent brother, glaring up into cool, blue eyes. “How can you stand there and say _nothing_ after what I’ve just told you? After what I’ve just confessed! How cruel can you be, _brother,_ to leave me without any reaction at all? How is it that they say _I_ am the one with no heart, with no compassion for anyone el—“

Thor was really a man of action, more than a man of mere words. He preferred acting before thinking- that was the base of his character: instinct. He still said nothing, but in one, smooth movement, he had Loki pinned against the wall of the cave, both strong hands gripping his startled brother’s armor. Loki went silent at last, so there was one thing accomplished. Two thin hands curled over his own and Thor shook one off, shifting one hand to the back of Loki’s neck.

Maybe he couldn’t quite find the right words, but Thor could do one thing- one thing he’d been longing for over the thousand years he and Loki had been together, since the day in his youth when he realized that Loki was the only one he’d ever love eternally. He leaned forward and met Loki’s lips in a hard kiss, coaxing his lips apart even as Loki’s hand tightened around his fist, the other tangling in his hair. It was brutal, really. Their teeth clashed together and Loki nipped hard enough at Thor’s lip to make it bleed, but it was perfect. Thor’s body covered Loki’s, pressing him hard against the wall with a huff from both of them that briefly parted their lips.

“ _Loki_.”

It didn’t take more than that. Loki shoved Thor’s hands away and flipped them over, pinning Thor willingly to the wall and pressing up against him. When their lips met again, it was with a fire Thor was quite familiar with, from their meetings in the field of battle. It was still Loki, and Loki was kissing him for all he was worth.

In quite the rush, Thor’s hand fumbled with his armor as he unlaced his trousers and shoved them down, turning Loki around to face the wall and yank his pants down as well. Spitting on his hand, he stroked himself a few times and surged forward, knocking the breath out of Loki and watching his nails try to find purchase on the wall in front of him. They moved together, each of Thor’s harsh thrusts earning an obscene sound from Loki, and an answering groan from deep in his own chest. Despite the fact that he must have been in some kind of pain, Loki pressed back against Thor without hesitation, and when he glanced back, Thor got a peek at his flushed cheeks, lips parted in hot puffs of air... It was a sight he wouldn’t soon forget. With his big hand sprawled out over Loki’s ass to spread him open, Thor leaned forward to mouth over the other man’s neck, tasting the sweat that was dripping down the length of his back.

When he was close, Thor slid his hand around and took hold of Loki’s swollen length, stroking him without pause or mercy until he came with a sob, spilling thick and hot over Thor’s hand. After that, it only took Thor a handful of thrusts before he came as well, muffling his growl in Loki’s neck. Everything went very quiet after that, save for the sound of their mutual panting.

Thor slipped out of Loki just a moment later and watched as his brother bent to pull up his trousers, tying them with slightly shaking hands. He hastened to do the same, not wanting to have whatever talk they were going to have with his pants down.

“Loki…”

Loki held a hand up and Thor went silent. When he turned around, honestly… Thor was expecting a trick. He was almost expecting Loki to throw it in his face, tell him that he was disgusting for doing what he’d just done, tell him that it hadn’t been real. But it would seem that Loki was full of surprises today, and did nothing of the sort. Instead, he moved closer to Thor and laid a hand on his chest, looking up at him in silent understanding. He wouldn’t stay. Thor knew the moment he looked into Loki’s eyes that it would never be the easy, happy life he might have wanted.

“Please—“

Two thin lips pressed against his to cut him off, and he found himself leaning into Loki’s hand settled gently on his jaw. For his part, Thor only let his hands rest on Loki’s hips and it felt as natural as anything possibly could. When Loki pulled away, Thor only stared down at him and offered a smile—one that was not returned as much as he would have liked. Loki looked sad, he realized, and that puzzled him. If it was a trick, there was no reason. And if it was the truth, he had Thor exactly as he wanted to have him.

He knew it before he moved his hand, lifting it up to brush his fingers along the sharp line of Loki’s cheekbone. As soon as Thor’s flesh tried to touch him, the illusion faded away and he was left alone, staring at the stone, cold wall of the cave and wondering when it was that he would get to see Loki again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
